Why Marshall Henderson was the Coolest Player in Tourney History

Jackson Byron

By Josh Stonberg

Everyone has their favorite arrogant, racist prick who has a comical and sometimes deeply disturbing quote ready for every media appearance they have.  Well, mine is Marshall Henderson.  Or maybe I should say was.  Right now the former Ole Miss star is living in a hotel in Baghdad, playing in the Iraq Super League.  No longer in mainstream American media, the man whose celebrations I used to imitate after every three ball lost my attention.  A recent article by Yahoo Sports capturing his whereabouts reminded me of how enthralling a player he was at Ole Miss.  Henderson epitomized what college basketball is all about: buckets, booze, and broads.

Athletes like to have fun with their press conferences nowadays.  Marshawn Lynch answers media questions with the same phrase for five minutes, Cam Newton gives repetitive shoutouts to Donkey Kong Suh and his former Auburn teammate Nick Fairley, and even Gregg Popovich attempts to make reporters feel terrible about themselves.  But no approach is better than Marshall Hendersons.  After an overtime victory against Georgia, Henderson blew off the media by saying “If it’s all the same, it’s Saturday night.  I’m out.”  He then set out on his quest to obtain some of that good ole Southern tail.

On the court Henderson is almost as savage as he is off of it.  Really, I could define Henderson’s whole persona in one night.  It all started at Auburn arena, where the white mamba was fouled with 6.4 seconds remaining.  Even people who hate Henderson cannot deny that he is cold-blooded, so of course the Mississippian messiah sank both free throws with ease.  Time ran out without the Tigers scoring, and what did Henderson, the star player of a ranked team who almost got upset by a lower quality opponent, do?  Walk back to the locker room feeling relieved to have escaped with a win?  No, because Marshall Henderson is one brash, arrogant, cocky dude, and how could he beat an opposing team without showing a ridiculously high level of straight disrespect.  Click on This link, and tell me that your first thought upon watching it was not “Wow, I hate this dude, but I love him.”  Enough basketball talk.  At the end of the day, there is more important stuff.  Right Marshall?  Like double fisting two brewskis after a big W on the court?  The “straight A”gangsta did not even go home before pounding Coors Light after Coors Light to the point where he could barely even get it up for the Mississippi gals all over him.  A picture from right after the game, before Ole Miss boarded their team bus, shows Henderson in a grey sweatshirt and grey sweatpants Proof.  Pictures of him posing with dudes between two different babes show him rocking the same outfit: Proof 2 Proof 3 Proof 4.

The dude is also a straight g on the court.  In the 2012-2013 college basketball season alone, he attempted 394 three pointers (a NCAA record).  Thats an average of 10.6 per game.  Though his total was lower the next season (he played six less games), his average was an absurd 12.6 per contest.  When asked about passing, Henderson responded to the reporter by saying “What?”  So either he did not hear the reporter correctly, or he was just shocked the woman would ask him such a thing.  Or maybe he was too busy staring at her rack.  To sum it all up, he did not like passing.  But why pass when you are single-handedly winning the SEC tourney?  That’s right.  Marshall Henderson actually won an SEC tournament.  But for a dude as awesome as Henderson, simply beating the Florida Gators is not good enough.  No, you have to mock the crowd by doing the gator chomp after a big three pointer to make it a worthwhile experience Straight disrespect.  Now, since it was the SEC final, Henderson did stay focused for most of the game.  But on regular nights?  Hell, if he was not trying to set up his plans for later before trips to the foul line, he would not be Marshall Henderson “Coach, I’m just trynna flirt”.

Marshall Henderson’s veins are colder than the rockies.  Yes, that is a reference to his favorite after-game drink.  On January 15, 2013, Henderson showed his late-game swagger, devastating Vanderbilt on their home court.  I do not want to try and describe what went down that night.  Watch the whole video if you would like.  It is 6:18, and appropriately named “Marshall Henderson loses his crazy on Vanderbilt.”  If not, just skip to the three minute mark and watch for about half a minute Buzzer-beaters for days.  However this would be a poor article if I failed to discuss the fact that he was actually a very successful basketball player.  In the 2012-2013 season he was the SEC’s leading scorer.  Yeah, he did not pass.  Yeah, he shot under 40%.  But he also got buckets, while caring more about what occurred after the game than what happened during it, which is pretty impressive.  In the 2013 NCAA tournament, Henderson led Ole Miss to an upset of No. 5 seed Wisconsin in the first round, never losing confidence even though he probably should have (he started off 1/13).  Henderson was truly  one of a kind — a man who split his love for buckets and boobs equally, while having major success in both categories.

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